Bullying can happen anywhere. But the common place for bullying is usually at school. According to the data from the Federation of Indonesian Teachers’ Unions (FSGI) – January to August 2023, bullying occurs more often in Elementary (25%) and Middle School students (25%). On the other hand, the occurrence in Islamic Boarding School (6,25%), Vocational School (18,75%), High School (18,75%) and Islamic Lower & Higher Secondary School students (6,25%) are less likely.
Based on the percentage of students who experienced bullying in Indonesia (source: Central Agency of Statistics – 2021), the victims were
- 5th grade Elementary School Students: Boys (31,6%), Girls (21,64%)
- 8th grade Junior High School Students: Boys (32,22%), Girls (19,97%)
- 11th grade High School Students: Boys (19,68%), Girls (11,26%)
Hence, boys are more likely to be the victim of this phenomenon.
Bullying more often occurs in groups. But sometimes there is also bullying between individuals. It can be done physically, verbally, or in other more subtle ways such as forcing or manipulating, with the objective to hurt or cause discomfort to others.
Let me break down examples of bullying that often occur nowadays.
1. Verbal bullying
This type of bullying is not uncommon in many schools. But even verbal bullying can cause great discomfort to others. Examples are rude name calling, spreading hoax about someone, making fun of someone be it in public or private, gossip.
Verbal bullying doesn’t only happen between students, but even teachers can be the perpetrator of verbal bullying as well. In fact, verbal bullying can happen anywhere around us, be it in our home or our surrounding. We must remain attentive anywhere we go, as we may not realize some forms of verbal bullying occurs because our social surroundings tend to normalize it.
2. Physical bullying
While verbal bullying can be a devastating effect on a students’ mental health, physical bullying is no less dangerous. This type of bullying involves physical contact or violence that can cause injuries, maybe even serious ones. Examples are pinching, shoving, pushing, hitting, etc.
Physical bullying can happen when a group of students meet, for example, at school, a playground, at camp and more. A small conflict or disagreement could trigger physical contact which leads to violence act between them. Although it can happen between anyone, but it’s more likely to happen between students more than adults.
3. Social bullying
This type of bullying happens when one person tries to ruin another person’s relationship or reputation. Examples are spreading gossip and lying about someone. It can happen in both online or in person. In a social environment, social bullying happens when a person encourages others to turn against someone. In social medias, it’s not much of a difference.
4. Cyber bullying
Cyber bullying can be found anywhere nowadays. It is also known as bullying with the use of digital technologies and can often be found in social medias. Examples are posting someone’s embarrassing photo, giving negative or hurtful comments to someone’s post, making threats against someone online, doxing (sharing someone’s private information) and posting rumors.
People don’t bully others for no reason. Causal factors can come from family, social or personal environment. There are many reasons that cause people to bully and not all of them are the same. Here are the causal factors that pushes people into bullying…
1. Unhealthy parenting patterns
Even parenting patterns can affect a child’s intention to bully. It can happen when parents are too carefree and gives anything their child wants, or parents that are too strict and makes their child feel uncomfortable. Examples of unhealthy parenting patterns are: Overprotection, comparing, all advice no encouragement, lack of support, domestic violence, scolding the child excessively, etc.
2. They have once become a victim of bullying
There are many bullies that have been bullied before. They get so pushed over the edge due to the teases and harassment to the point where they get so angry they decided to hurt others.
3. The desire of wanting to dominate and have power over others
The more power you have, the more people notice you, and with that, many bullies want others to notice them and dominate the crowd. To do so, they make fun of others, ruining the image of someone and making themselves look better.
4. The influence of people around them to participate in bullying
Many people think that bullying feels way better than being bullied. Because of that thought, when a bully invites a person to join them, they think it’s better accepting than objecting then getting bullied themselves.
5. Psychological Disorders
Psychological disorders can also be the cause of bullying, depends on the type of disorders that are diagnosed to the individual. It is probably because those with certain type of disorders tend to be more aggressive than others. Not to mention that their ability to control their action towards others has been compromised. That is also why some victims of these cause don’t fully understand why they’re getting bullied in the first place.
If bullying is left unsolved and not handled well, there will be damaging impacts such as increased risk of psychiatric disorders across the life-course, poor social functioning and educational outcomes towards the victims. That is the reason why schools should pay more attention to how serious bullying is.
Perpetrators of bullying aren’t always accountable to be responsible of their action. Because most of them feel like they did nothing wrong and what they did was a really normal thing to do. Some even tried to persist that they didn’t do any bullying at all. This stage is called denial.
School and family upbringing are the first social interaction and educational experience for every generation to begin their childhood and youth period. Their smallest bubble is the classroom. If bullying happens in the classroom, or between classmates, it is necessary to report the issue to the homeroom teacher. When it happened in school premises, we should report it to the counseling teacher assigned in school. If the counseling teacher still unable to resolve the remaining case, it’s better to talk to the school principal about the problem and if appropriate action should be taken immediately.
Family is the key to a proper upbringing. Good interaction and communication within the nuclear family and extended family members significantly play a role in children’s emotional and personal growth. A child that has received a proper upbringing will feel comfortable sharing their stories and experience related to bullying to their parents and relatives. With that tightened bond, the child feels confident and safe around their family. This will reduce the risk of children bulling others to justify their existence or strength.
How to best manage bullying at school
Personal & psychological approach through a dialogue between the students involved and school teachers are best conducted in a private session. This is important for students because they are still in the process of learning how to become a better individual with a good character without negative judgement being embedded to them. However, any reports of bullying cases must be handled immediately to avoid similar or more cases occur.
To prevent bullying, schools must have programs to reduce the chances of bullying happening around the environment. Programs like what? Take the girlhood program for example. It’s a program where only girls are allowed, presented by the relevant teachers or counsellors. There, they can study the common interest or challenges, build a closer bond together and maybe with relevant activities, they can reduce the chances of being bullied. As for the boys, school should enhance the Leadership & Student Caring programs that would encourage them to do at least 1 (one) good deed a day for fellow students or juniors related to those purposes.
Schools also need to make a support system which helps the victims step up to report acts of bullying to teachers or parents and not keep it to themselves. They also shouldn’t punish or accuse the victims for being a complainant and leave them ostracized by their friends around them. As for the perpetrators, there should be a deterrent effect, so the other students will learn a lesson from it and not make the same mistake.
It is also necessary to organize regular awareness campaigns about the dangers or impacts of bullying to school students and provide counseling if necessary. This is so that the students become more aware of bullying and perhaps some will also try to avoid it.
Building a stronger personality to avoid being a victim of bullying
As a student, it is also important for us to learn a few things so we don’t end up being a victim of bullying ourselves. One of the things we should learn is to believe in ourselves and be confident when others try to make us feel uncomfortable. Next is being brave. Don’t be afraid to report acts of bullying to teachers or guardian in school. Asking help from a guardian is one of the best ways to overcome bullying. Never wait until the bully get to the next level, such as being physical or intimidating. At this stage, make sure we know basic self-defense to protect our body & well-being.
We should also not be afraid to remind a friend who show intention to bullies others. Firmly, but politely. As for ourselves, we should never look down on others, judge anyone by their nation, race and religion, that would only cause more conflict.
In fact, getting to know more about your friends and work with like-minded people will help us build a stronger character. Family is our support system, the openness within family members will be beneficial for our mental health. A strong mental health helps build a strong personality.
We shouldn’t patronize others and feel like were the greatest of them all. Instead, we should stay humble, learn to listen to others’ opinions and build sympathy over anything that happens to your friends at school.
Few years back when I just moved to a new school, I made friends with a girl in my class. During school recess, when the girl left me, her gang approached and surrounded me. They pushed me to stay away from her because she’s their friend and not mine. Their tone wasn’t really friendly. At first, of course I was a surprised and a little uneasy, but I decided to just leave them be. I didn’t fight back, and find new friends afterwards. Quite surprising, years after that, we are all in good terms and we treat each other normally just like any other friends. I am just glad that I chose not to fight back and handle things the wrong way, because it will only bring more conflict and won’t end nicely.
My experience shows that we should not stop fire with fire. Sometimes, it is best that we control ourselves, stay calm and let them watch our positive response instead. They could change to become a better friend too. Don’t be intimidated easily…stay firm and believe in yourself! I surely hope it works for other experiencing the same.
Last but not least, the key to win in a bully is by being brave, confident, in control of yourself and to not be afraid to report acts of bullying to teacher or guardians. Don’t become a bully just because you got bullied. In fact, try to make a lot more friends and be kind to everyone.
Let’s work together to make a better future for us all! Say ‘NO’ to bullying! Let’s make a better place for all of us.